I Get Your Malfunction
by Nemesis13
Summary: Tony Stark really didn't have anything that kept his interest, no one could ever keep up with him and his own personal demons always chased him into a bottle. Iris Potter was forced to abandon her homeland when her people demanded she become nothing more then a brood mare, so she ran to the other side of the pond and played the stock market while hitting the bottle. Then, they met.
1. Hungover

**This was just a plot bunny that I had to put down on 'paper', Iris is essentially like canon Harry just Fem!Harry, that and Hermione ended up dating Neville instead of the verbally abusive foodsack but the relationship ended amicably. Anyway if anyone wants more of this let me know through reviews.**

* * *

Iris Dorea Potter was awoken from a rather sound sleep by her mobile phone's insensate ringing. The only reason the very hung over Lady Black even bothered grabbing the device was due to the ringtone.

The Ramones I Wanna Sedated. Maybe not the best song for the witch in question, but Iris often felt the need to self medicate after dealing with this particular friend for extended periods of time so she felt it fit.

"Hello Luna, how are you?" The redhead asked while yawning, the dreamy voice on the other end of the line was as always, not quite all there.

"Hello Iris Potter, how are you doing this afternoon?"

Iris didn't quite manage to hold back her groan, "Moonbeam you're five hours ahead of New York time remember? It's freaking eight in the morning and I am monumentally hungover, sweet merciless Morrigan the next time someone suggests multiple Irish car bombs I'm going to hex them..."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry for waking you then Iris Potter," the woman in question pulled her mobile away from her ear just long enough to glare at it. Luna didn't sound sorry in the slightest, in fact she sounded slightly amused, why did she have friends again?

Oh Goddess...her bloody head was throbbing...

"Regardless," Luna continued unabated, "I just wanted to let you know that I was performing a bit of scrying and noticed one of your more lucrative investments is going to have a dramatic drop in value in the next few months followed by a steady increase. I thought since you have continued to exile yourself in America you might wish to go to the next board meeting and find out what is going on."

Still on her back Iris pulled her nightstand drawer open and blindly groped about for her target. Grinning as her nimble fingers wrapped around the thin glass tube the Witch-Who-Won popped the cork out with a flick of her thumb and downed the hangover potion in record time.

Head finally clearing she sat up as she replied to her long time friend. "You suggest, or Hermione suggests?"

The blonde giggled a bit at that, "Oh Hermione of course, do you honestly think I'd use my seer abilities to watch the groups investments rather then finally tracking down a crumple-horned snorkack?"

Right, there was that, "Ok ok, what investment is it?" Iris stumbled out of bed grimacing when she caught sight of herself in the rooms full length mirror, a shower was a must.

"Hmm...Stark Industries, they're-"

Iris cut her off at that, "Defense contractors, make lots of boom for the yanks to go start wars to make more money, yeah I know. Huzzah for the military industrial complex."

Luna lost the dreamy tone to her voice as she sniffed with a bit of disdain, "Yes well, we profit off of it do we not? So really do any of us have the right to judge?" Damn, Iris didn't even realize Luna could _sound_ disdainful, learn something new every day.

"Yes well, I'm also a hypocrite to the extreme so hey, there's that, right?"

Luna regained her playful tone at this statement, "Quite true, the board meeting is next week in Malibu, California. I'll text you the address."

Iris frowned at that, "Wait, Malibu? The companies primary headquarters is here in New York City, what gives?"

Luna sighed in what sounded weirdly enough like satisfaction, "Oh you must not know anything about Tony Stark Iris Potter, I think you'll find him quite interesting." And with that one of her oldest, most aggravating friends hung up.

A week later Iris took a port key out to the west coast, and much to her own personal pleasure managed to not throw up upon landing in a secluded alley. Hey, it was the little things in life that kept one going, especially those who would likely never see their homeland again despite the hole the absence made in their heart.

Deep breaths. Don't think about that right now. Move onward, don't look back.

Pulling her Godfather's shrunken Bonneville T120 from her leather jacket's pocket Iris placed it on the ground and tapped it once with the Deathstick. As it returned to its proper size the twenty eight year old witch glanced up at the burning California sun and wilted under its heat. Sighing she cast a cooling charm on herself, pulled on a pair of mirrored aviators, and hopped onto the black bike.

Grinning as she felt the familiar thrum of the old bikes engine beneath her Iris gently walked the Bonneville out of the alley she'd arrived in and with a kick was accelerating down the road. Now, time to find out why this Tony Stark was so Goddess be damned important.

* * *

Tony Stark felt like crap, he was hung over, running late, and Obadiah kept throwing him disappointed looks. Tony was thirty eight years old and should not for any reason feel any sort of shame for his actions, but damn did Obadiah manage to make him feel like a little kid every time he shot him with one of those stares.

"Tony are you even listening?" Tony nodded absently as he did some complex trig in his head to make sure he was actually functional, everything came back clear so he gave his only real father figure a thumbs up in turn.

"Yeah, this meeting is important, in a week I'm heading out to Afghanistan to show off the new Jericho missile and I have to explain exactly why it's such a big deal."

Obadiah shot him 'the' look before drawling out, "Sober, Tony."

Glancing at the untouched minibar the limo so helpfully offered he nodded once, "Right...sober..."

Pulling up to the west coast Stark Industries headquarters Tony climbed out of the limo after Obadiah and stretched a bit as he glared up at the burning California sun. He really didn't want to do this, he'd rather be off drinking, or tinkering, or better yet, drinking and tinkering, yet here he was.

He didn't even have Pepper to keep him distracted, oddly enough this little shindig fell on one of her far too infrequent days off.

Lamenting the loss of one of the few people who _bothered_ trying to understand him Tony fell in beside Obadiah when he heard the distinct thrum of a motorcycle's engine. As the sound came closer Tony turned in its direction to see an antique bike roar its way in front of the building. Coming to a stop the rider, a rather shapely woman as a matter of fact, kicked the stand out and hopped off the now idling vehicle.

As the valet rushed towards the woman she pulled a wallet from her jackets pocket and flashed her ID, "I'm here for the board meeting, don't scratch the bike, your job depends on it." The young man stared at her a moment then nodded, paying him no more attention the woman walked past the two waiting men and Tony finally got a good look at her.

5'5", if that, worn but well cared for jeans, broken in black combat boots, brown leather bomber jacket, Iron Maiden t-shirt, waist length hair the color of rubies, and all the right curves in the right places. As she approached the buildings doors she turned to assess them as she slid the mirrored shades off and Tony froze when her emerald eyes locked onto his gaze, smiling coyly she flipped her hair over her shoulder and entered the building.

"Obadiah...who was that?" Stane seemed highly amused as he clapped Tony's shoulder heavily, a bit too heavily at that.

"That son was the Countess Black, Iris Potter. She's one of our primary investors and a bit of an enigma, and yes, I meant _Countess_ , as in part of the British peerage system." With that the large man stuck his hands in his pockets and made for the building as Tony belatedly began following him, mind no where near as clear as it had been a few moments earlier.


	2. Wait, What?

**So you guys were so enthusiastic about the opener that I punched this out in about an hour, I hope it's good enough. I tried my best to convey Iris's independent attitude and complete confidence in her skills while also emphasizing Tony's...Tonyness. Anyway, please review and I hope you all enjoyed!**

* * *

Iris entered the boardroom knowing full well how boring the next few hours were going to be but resigned herself to the necessity of it all. Honestly whinging about something you yourself volunteered for was just childish, one of the many reasons she no longer spoke to Ronald after the war really.

Scanning the room she saw the usual collection of corporate elites and immediately dismissed them as unimportant, not a one of them jumped out to her as a potential threat nor did they seem prepared for one to appear. Madeye would be most displeased in their lack of constant vigilance, as the saying goes just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Taking a seat in between an incredibly fat man in an ill fitting suit and a not quite as fat man in a properly taken in outfit Iris pulled out a notepad and pen placing them before her. Fidgeting after only a few seconds she glanced at her wristwatch which earned her a few sneers from the gathered board members as they took in its inexpensive appearance.

It had been a gift from Dudley on her twentieth birthday, nothing overly ornate but it was still tasteful enough for a woman to appreciate yet hardened enough to survive the misadventures she tended to find herself in. It was one of the few reminders she had of home now, and if these morons were going to judge her for it so be it, she wasn't here to impress anyone.

Eventually Stane and Stark entered the room and thus began the boredom. At the very least Tony was a showman, he kept on hammering on the bullet points and whenever he gestured towards the projection on the wall he managed to sneak in an eye roll while the majority was distracted. That was rather amusing for Iris at least, an hour into the meeting they called for a recess and the group began breaking off in twos and threes muttering to each other softly.

Iris stayed put, she'd spent the majority of the time running arithmatic equations on her notepad trying to decide whether or not the Jericho was actually a worthwhile investment. So far it looked good, so its introduction couldn't possibly be what Luna had warned her about, so that meant the source was elsewhere. Lovely.

"So a Countess? How exactly does that work, judging by the lack of a ring on your finger you aren't married and you're a bit young to be a widow sooo...?" Glancing up from her notepad she met Tony's eyes and cocked a single crimson brow before responding to the rather blunt question.

"Since when have you become an expert on the British peerage system, Mister Stark?"

Smirking he offered his hand to her and she took it shaking it gently as he replied, "About five minutes before the meeting began, actually. You already know who I am but it would be impolite for me to not properly introduce myself, I'm Tony Stark."

"Iris Potter, charmed," she began. "As an aside we're not going to shag, I'm here to review my investments and little more, just putting that out there now." He seemed to choke on air a moment and Iris clearly heard Stane let out an amused snort from the corner. Before Tony could recover from her blunt statement Iris tilted her head to the side, "As for the Countess thing, I _was_ once a member of a rather insular, xenophobic society that operated outside of the regular peerage system yet was still recognized by the crown as nobility.

"There wasn't a patriarchy, whoever could lay claim to the title, legally of course, was allowed to do so. My godfather was an Earl, on his passing he left me his name and title, ergo I became a Countess, I never really used the title back in Britain honestly. Most people reacted like you did, or asked who my husband was, which was annoying for a plethora of other unrelated reasons."

Finally recovering Tony let his curiosity get the better of him, "So your little society had equality between sexes when the peerage system actually meant something? Interesting, how, or rather, why? Most men don't like giving their power up, especially to women, it's emasculating and all that."

She grinned in return and the predatory glean of it caused the raven haired man's brows to raise in surprise, "Oh that's easy Mister Stark. When every child, girl and boy is given a weapon at the age of eleven, and trained in its usage for seven years, well... You never quite know who is willing to put up a fight. Ultimately it was easier to go with equality in the nobility and just pick on minority groups, less property damage that way."

"Err...how...progressive..." Tony stated lamely.

Iris let out a musical laugh at that causing Tony to smile in turn, "In that singular regard, yes quite so. Yet that is neither here nor there, now that I've answered your question is there anything else you needed?"

Tony stared at her intently for a few moments causing her to lift a brow yet again, she was seriously doing that a lot today.

Eventually he sighed while running a hand down his goatee, "I for the life of me can't get a read on you Miss Potter, and I really can't begin to explain how intriguing I find that. Do you by chance have dinner plans tonight?"

"You do recall that I said no shagging yes? If in your research of British culture you had some how missed the colloquial terminology it means I'm not interested in having sex with you."

Tony stared at her a few moments before rubbing his hands together quickly smiling, "Miss Potter, what is your net worth? If you feel comfortable discussing it?" Nonplussed at this question she glanced to Stane who met her eyes and shrugged his broad shoulders lightly, he was at a loss as well.

"Err...not counting investments already in play or in escrow I have roughly seven billion dollars in liquid assets. That's the principle at least, I have no idea what the interest is off the top of my head."

He grinned again as he tapped her notepad, "You've been following everything I've been discussing about the Jericho while performing complex mathematics to verify if my claims were true." It was a statement, not a question. She blinked at that as she glanced down at her scribbled equations, he could understand arithmancy?

"So," he continued, "You're independently wealthy, you are a motorcycle enthusiast, you have wonderful taste in clothes and rock bands, and to top it off you're highly intelligent and hold absolutely no interest in getting to know me better." His grin turned into a cocky smirk after that, "So, really, I'd love to take you out for dinner tonight, it would probably be one of the least fake evenings out I've had in my adult life."

Iris was openly gaping at this and only let out a stunned, 'Uhh...' before Tony clapped happily, "Great! I'm thinking Indian, always wanted to try Indian, where are you staying tonight so I know where to pick you up?"

Feeling completely railroaded Iris stuttered out, "Th-The Hilton-"

Tony nodded once as he pulled out his planner and began scribbling in it, "-Excellent, I'll pick you up at six, oh and I'll bring one of my bikes, we'll ride together." With that he spun around and walked back to the front of the room as the other board members began filing back in.

Unsure how to feel about this turn of events, aside from being gobsmacked that is, Iris turned to Stane and muttered, "What the bloody hell just happened here Obadiah?"

Looking slightly concerned the bald man turned to eye his protege and shook his head slowly, "I...think by not showing any interest in him at all, and obviously not being after his money, you've officially become an item of interest to _him_."

Once again the Lady Black muttered "Bloody hell." She needed a Goddess be damned drink.

"Quite," Obadiah stated quietly, this...this could be quite bad for his plans, or... not. If on one hand Tony managed to offend the Countess, she may pull out her investments with the company causing some serious financial upheaval. On the other hand if Tony managed to endear himself to her, the fallout of his upcoming 'accident' could solidify her long term cooperation, if out of nothing else then nostalgia.

As the presentation began yet again Obadiah could clearly see Tony had far more enthusiasm for it then he had previously, and that the Countess had stopped sputtering and was now blushing deeply doing her best to stare at nothing else then the table before her.

He'd keep an eye on it, a lot could happen in a week.


	3. It's Not a Date!

**I...really hope this turned out ok, if you guys hate it I'm sorry, I tried really but I'm not sure you'll like it, please review.**

* * *

When Tony pulled up to the Hilton at a quarter till six he couldn't help smirking to himself when he took in the sight before him. Sitting on the edge of a rather tacky fountain was Iris Potter. She was wearing dark skinny jeans, a Black Sabbath t-shirt, and a stylishly cut short white jacket, her hair currently in a messy bun held in place with a pair of ornate sticks.

She was also barefoot, a pair of red converse sneakers with socks stuffed in them sitting on the ground beside her as she was tapping at the laptop balanced precariously next to the bubbling water.

Kicking the bikes stand out Tony killed the engine and casually walked towards the red haired woman, the scowl marring her features not quite meeting her eyes as she muttered to herself in consternation.

Tony stood there for about thirty seconds before she spoke, "You're early, Mister Stark. Normally punctuality is something I admire but at the moment I'm currently busy mitigating a disaster."

Sitting down next to the British woman he sat in silence for a few minutes before glancing over her shoulder to take a look at what had her so occupied, "What seems to be the problem?"

She grunted in what sounded like honest exasperation, "It appears one of my factories in China decided to cut corners and used lead based paint for an entire run of childrens toys while the plant manager pocketed the remainder, my client was not amused"

Tony winced at that, "Ouch, lawsuit waiting to happen there." Nodding as she absently pulled a loose strand of crimson hair behind her ear she gestured towards the charts and graphs causing him to whistle lightly in turn. "Wow, the idiot tried to make off with that much at once?"

Iris snorted derisively as she hit the 'Send' button slamming the laptop shut once she got a confirmation. "I know right? The perfectly traceable crime, I can have it taken care of tonight but the only asset I have in the area is Sue Li. I'm sure she can handle all the legal issues on her own but I feel awful pulling this on her. She'd been in transit to Seoul to meet up with her fiance and well..." She shrugged in a 'What can you do?' manner.

"Close to most of your employees I take it or is she a special case?" He asked casually as she began pulling on her socks and shoes, she nodded quickly as her deft fingers began tying up the laces.

"Quite, most of my core group of advisers, consultants, and field agents are women I went to school with. They all have skill sets that compliment each other and benefit our organization as a whole, they have the talent, and I have the leadership abilities to lead us all to the greatest profit margin."

She turned to face Tony flashing him a dazzling smile as her emerald eyes glittered in amusement, "Ginny's called us 'Team Girl Power' more then once. It annoys the shite out of Hermione, says it makes us sound 'Like those slutty Spice Girls'." Stuffing her laptop into its carrying case she threw the strap over her shoulder messenger bag style and accepted Tony's offered arm as he escorted her to his bike.

"So you go to an all girls school or something?" She stumbled a moment but Tony made sure she didn't fall as she recovered, her earlier smile gone as a stone cold mask took its place. Well, that hadn't kept up the light mood like he had hoped.

"No, it was co-ed, the problem is when you lead an exodus away from a insular xenophobic secret society those that respect you follow your lead. Some...well I question the true legality, but some laws were put into place that would have subjected a good portion of the female population to what amounted to slavery. It didn't work out like the powers that be had anticipated."

Tony hopped on the bike as Iris slid on behind him, he was slightly chagrined that she grabbed onto the hand holds rather then wrapping her arms around him. "I thought your not creepy in the slightest secret society had equal rights between the sexes?"

She laughed bitterly at that as the bike started up with a dull roar, he could barely hear her response over the sound of the engine. "Oh Mister Stark, there is a far cry of difference between equality of the sexes and expected gender roles," she leaned forward and whispered in his ear causing him to shiver slightly. "I am the only one who decides what I do with my life, and I don't give a damn what anyone else has to say about it."

Well, rock on.

As they pulled up to the restaurant he had chosen for the evenings outing he was pleased to see that Iris seemed to have relaxed on the ride over. Well, she wasn't sporting the stone cold mask of indifference anymore at least, which was a good thing. Once again offering his arm after they'd hopped off the bike they were almost immediately grabbed by a pair of excited greeters when they entered the restaurant who proceeded to drag the pair off to a side room.

Iris looked slightly bemused at the young men's rapid fire speech. Tony didn't catch much of it considering his Hindi was pretty poor, but the same couldn't be said for Iris who much to his surprise responded to them in kind. After writing down what was apparently her order they rushed off and Iris stared at Tony stoically for a few moments as her shoulders began shaking violently. Finally she broke out into peels of laughter leaving the poor man confused beyond words.

Eventually she got herself under control wiping a tear from her eye as she shook her head ruefully, "You had to bring me to a restaurant I own, didn't you Mister Stark?"

His face fell at that, "You have got to be kidding me!"

She giggled, _giggled_ happily at his reaction, "No no, Parvati insisted I invest in several ethnic restaurants as well as beauty salons and the such ...hehehehe..." She fell back into a giggle fit before getting a hold of herself once again. "Sorry this is just too funny, both of the Pavil twins have been trying to get me to try this chain out for awhile and I've never gotten around to doing so. It's rather amusing to me is all, I'm not offended or anything."

He shot her a rueful smile at that. "Hmm...honestly with this long list of friends you're seriously going to have to break out the year book for me to keep track of them all," Iris rolled her eyes as the waiters returned with whatever drinks she'd ordered them. Tony took one sniff of it and blinked, whatever it was it was quite potent much to his approval, taking a swig he nodded in satisfaction. It would do.

"Mister Stark as I told you before there will be no intimacy between us, this is strictly a business dinner and little else," Tony nodded and decided not to push the subject.

Safer routes for now. "So, you speak Hindi?"

She nodded absently as she sipped her drink going through the menu, "Yes, I roomed with Parvati for almost seven years and in exchange for helping her study she taught Hermione, my best friend as well as my second in command, and myself how to speak her native language fluently. Despite acting like a ditz for her own amusement the woman was an excellent teacher, we had similar deals with Sue Li who I mentioned before, to teach us Korean and Blaise Zabini to teach us Italian. We taught ourselves French, Latin and Welsh as well."

"Damn," Tony stated in bewilderment, she grinned in turn.

"Quite, that was all before we were seventeen, it got a bit more intense after that, we're all over achievers and thoroughly enjoy making self important little twats feel inferior. My brother says it's one of my more endearing qualities but Dudley is a bit of a sadist on occasion so I don't know if he really counts."

Tony looked a bit surprised at this revelation, "Brother? I hope you don't take any offense but I did a search on you before I picked you up and there was no mention of you having a living immediate family," her brows furrowed at this revelation as she dropped the menu cocking her head to the side.

"Wow, way to make this creepy Mister Stark," he was about to defend himself before she scoffed and brought the menu back up to eye level. "I did the same to you, so fairs fair. Dudley is technically my cousin, my birth parents were murdered by a terrorist when I was a year and a half old then I was left on my mother's sister's doorstep by a senile old bastard who couldn't leave better enough alone.

"My Aunt and Uncle adopted me hoping they could keep me away from the backwards society James and Lily had been part of to protect me. It didn't work, I found out about my birth parents at eleven and was dragged into that Jane Austen knockoff of a world against my will, it only got worse from there."

That was...confusing and concerning all at once. Eventually placing their orders they ate dinner in silence once the food arrived, both of them taking large sips of their rather potent drinks to wash away the curry's burn. By the end of dinner Iris lost track of how many drinks she'd downed, not enough, as far as she was concerned. It was never enough...

Eventually a tipsy Countess Black rose from the table and stumbled towards the door, Tony, who out massed her significantly, wasn't nearly as bad off and quickly caught the British woman.

She looked up at him and smiled, "You know for a man whore you're awfully pretty," he stared down at her then broke out laughing.

"For being one of the strangest women I've ever met you're quite alluring, but I have a standing policy not to push on the sex thing when the lady is drunker then I am. Want me to take you back home now?"

She paused a moment before leaning against him sniffling, "Can never go home, they'll get me if I do..." That...well huh...How drunk was she? Sighing he resigned himself to calling a cab as she fished a glass tube from her pocket, cocking a brow he watched her down the contents as a look of disgust rolled across her face once she swallowed whatever the hell it was.

A moment later she seemed mostly coherent but still obviously under the influence. "Sorry Mister Stark, that was not anticipated, did...did you wish to go see a movie or the like? The night is still young after all."

He stared down at her then shrugged, "We can go back to my place if you'd like, I have an incredibly overpriced and nearly unused entertainment center with pretty much every movie ever made on it."

She looked contemplative a moment before nodding to herself, "Can we watch Pirates of the Caribbean while getting pissed on rum? Or you could show me that workshop of yours that Obadiah is always talking about, I'm a bit of a tinkerer myself you see. Been trying to build a lightsaber since I was fourteen, almost had it once but I blew up my dads garage in the process so most of my friends keep me away from the good stuff. Ostensibly for my own safety but I think they're just cowards who can't appreciate true innovative spirit."

Tony blinked. Huh, is this what love feels like? Probably not, still, this could prove to be an interesting evening.

* * *

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts was a very professional woman, in fact her professionalism is probably the only reason she hadn't murdered her boss in his sleep out of shear frustration. Still, she prided herself on her ability to _mostly_ reign in Tony's excesses and for the most part keep him focused enough to finish a project before getting distracted by his next big idea.

If this had been the only facet of her job she'd be in heaven, as it stood she had more irritating variables involved with being the P.A. to a self centered genius. Speaking of which, Pepper let out an exasperated sigh when she entered Tony's house only to see two pairs of shoes discarded by the door. One set was obviously Tony's sneakers, the others were small enough to most likely be a woman's, which meant another one night stand she had to clean and or cover up.

Tony was very lucky he paid her enough for this. Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose as she took a sip of her double espresso caramel latte and walked towards the living room to turn off the still blaring television. Entering the room she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her, Tony and a petite red haired woman were both sitting on the couch facing the television.

Both fully clothed.

Blinking rapidly Pepper took in the slumbering pair, both had socked feet kicked up on the coffee table that was covered in half finished blueprints and shot glasses, an empty bottle of Bacardi holding a position of pride in the center of the table.

Turning to the television she saw it was displaying the DVD menu to one of those 'Pirates' movies, well at least they'd had taste. Grabbing the remote from the prone woman's hand she turned off the television and DVD player while staring down at her boss and his lady friend. His left arm was thrown over her shoulders and she'd buried her head into the crook of his neck and they just looked so...cute!

Grinning Pepper whipped out her cell and took a picture sending it to Rhodey, he'd never let Tony live this one down, manly men weren't supposed to do cute after all. Sipping her latte Pepper headed towards her personal office, perfectly content to let the slumbering pair wake up on their own when they were ready.

* * *

 ** _So as you may have guessed this was a bridging chapter, what was different in Iris's life compared to Harry's as well as Tony realizing that this strange woman came from an incredibly messed up background. This of course only intrigues him more._**

 ** _If I screwed up the story, let me know, if you enjoyed it, let me know, I love hearing from you guys, till next time!"_**


	4. Not a Prude, Just Not An Easy Lay

**o_o ...You guys are amazing, you know that? This chapter hosts tales of unintended femslash so if you're offended by that I'm sorry but it will likely be the only reference in this story. Regardless I am sorry this is short but honestly? I slept through most of the weekend, my job kinda sucks the life out of me. There will be another update soon, I'm _hoping_ by Wednesday but I'm making no promises. Anyway, please review I adore hearing what you all have to say! Really even if it's 'This is crap' or 'I love this' I adore the input, it makes me a better writer ^_^**

 **OH! If you want to have a better understanding of Iris read my other progressing story, 'Red Mage, Looking For Group.' She is more or less what that story leads to, that is an optimist who was made into a pessimist and has no desire to give a damn about anyone who isn't one of her own.**

* * *

Iris rarely slept well, in fact the nightmares and terrors courtesy of her time in the wizarding world were one of the primary contributing factors to her alcoholism. She was well aware the drinking wasn't healthy, unfortunately dreamless sleep droughts had stopped working by the time she was nineteen and less extreme coping methods such as counseling had done nothing to rid her of her PTSD.

That being said as she left the realm off Morpheus she managed to ignore the early morning hangover once she realized how abnormally _rested_ she felt. She found herself snuggled against something warm that smelled rather nice and really felt no need to move from her current position. Sadly she'd drank quite a bit the night before and human biology won out. Cracking her eyes open Iris took in the passed out visage of Tony Stark who currently had one toned arm wrapped around her shoulders.

She'd definitely woken up to worse sights before, although she wouldn't let the egotistical playboy know that any time soon. Shifting Tony's arm Iris ducked out of his embrace and made a beeline for the loo, after using the facilities and downing a hangover potion she staggered back out into the hall only to come to a dead stop as she nearly ran into someone.

Glancing up she met the amused gaze of a pretty woman in a pinstripe pant suit, her ginger hair was up in a no nonsense tail and she was holding a steaming cup of coffee out towards the surprised Countess.

"Hello there, you looked like you needed this, I'm Virginia Potts, Mister Stark's P.A., and you are?" Iris snatched up the offered cup of coffee and held it beneath her nose savoring the steam wafting up from the hot liquid bounty of the Goddess before taking an indulgent sip.

Sighing she met the woman's smile with her own, "In love, will you marry me?" Miss Potts scoffed in amusement as Iris took another sip, eventually she gave her a real answer, "Iris Potter, a pleasure, Miss Potts."

The woman's smile faltered slightly at that, "Uh...as in Countess Black...one of Stark Industries top investors?" Iris nodded in amusement as the older woman made a visible effort not to wince. Iris took pity on her and decided to derail any attempts Virginia was going to make on her boss's life for letting his libido potentially hurt the company as a whole.

"Don't worry Miss Potts, Tony was a perfect gentleman last night...well as much of a gentleman as he's capable of being anyway. Honestly after dinner we spent a few hours down in his workshop and when we realized we were getting a bit too drunk to be playing with power tools we went upstairs to watch a movie. It was...a very pleasant evening."

Unbeknownst to Iris, Pepper was internally running all of the inconsistencies in Tony's behavior and came to a rather startling conclusion. Tony was actually interested in this woman, and not as a one night stand. She shivered involuntarily once she realized Hell had likely frozen over last night, but she felt it a bit premature to bring up these revelations so instead she smiled and nodded towards the British woman.

"Well I'm glad Tony behaved himself...for once. Did you want to wait for him to wake up or did you have somewhere else to be this morning?"

Iris shrugged, "Might as well wait for him to wake up, I have no scheduled appointments until next week, decided to take a bit of a holiday you see." In reality Iris simply disliked using long range portkeys more then once a week, it played havoc with her magic and when one was the Mistress of Death you certainly did not want to lose control of your power.

It could get...squicky...

She could honestly take a jet back to the east coast but really she hated flying anything she didn't have direct control of, and since Dudley still had the F-16 there wasn't anything in this time zone that met her speed requirements.

"Well," Tony's P.A. began, "The fridge is loaded, I could...try and make something for breakfast if you're interested Countess?"

Grinning in return Iris brushed past the older woman while letting out an amused snort, "How do you like your eggs Miss Potts? Also please, call me Iris, I only make Obadiah call me Countess because he's a misogynist and I find his discomfort amusing."

Virginia snickered lightly at that, "He really is isn't he? Call me Pepper, Tony always does. Err, over easy I suppose?" Nodding Iris shook her ruffled red mane out as she slipped a hair tie from her wrist pulling her long hair into a low tail.

"Will do Pepper, now, have any embarrassing Tony tales?" Pepper grinned and sipped her latte, she liked this woman.

* * *

Tony woke up feeling like something was missing, opening his eyes he took in the table covered in half finished designs and shot glasses before he remembered what had happened the night before.

Groaning he sat up and quickly shook his head. Of course she was gone, she was like him in more ways then one and he never stood still after a night out on the town, it just wasn't part of the nature of people like them after all. Standing up he cracked his back and grimaced before he noticed the smell of fresh coffee and cooked bacon. Following the scent he padded to the the kitchen before stopping in a half conscious stumble, at a complete loss at the sight before him.

Pepper and Iris were both talking to each other as they sipped from steaming mugs as they picked at plates loaded with breakfast food, Goddesses surrounded by the bounty of mortals. Noticing his entrance the redhead of his dreams shot him an indulgent smirk as she gestured to the treasure before the pair.

"Your little buddy Jarvis ordered all kinds of raw materials for a breakfast feast after we passed out, I felt it would have been a crime if I didn't do something with it. Eat up Mister Stark." Tony stared at the food, the coffee, the two gorgeous grinning redheads before him and did the only thing he could.

Sighing he plopped down across from the redheads and poured himself a mug of coffee as the pair giggled to themselves.

Women.

"Pepper," he began around a mouth full of eggs and bacon. "Itinerary for today?"

Sipping her coffee the woman gestured towards the tablet left at his side of the table casually as she replied, "Honestly Tony nothing really, aside from your little award ceremony before your trip to Afghanistan you're clear for the week. You can thank Obadiah for that one."

Iris snorted at that as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, "Bet you he has no idea what the award is even for."

Rather then rising to the bait Tony shot back at the British noble, "How much effort do you put into your own acknowledgments Miss Potter? Oh, amazing eggs by the way."

Iris snorted at that while grabbing another slice of bacon and viciously devoured it before responding, "Call me Iris Mister Stark. I fell asleep snuggling you it would be awkward to pretend that never happened. Also thank you I always enjoyed cooking since my mum insisted I knew how to perform my wifely duties despite my desire to conquer the world. To answer your question I put in exactly enough effort to prevent Hermione lecturing me...nothing more."

Both Tony and Pepper grunted in amusement at this as the man responded, "Call me Tony, and wifely duties? And conquering the world, really?"

Iris snickered at that, "Mum's a traditionalist but I was a daddy's girl, he became the CEO of Grunnings through guile and blackmail and I took my life lessons from him. So to keep mum happy yes I learned all I was supposed to know to 'please my man' while also absorbing dad's lessons on taking over a company from the inside. I gave up on the world conquest thing when I realized how much paperwork was involved and instead resolved to become filthy rich and make everyone quail at offending me. Far more entertaining really."

Both Tony and Pepper snickered at this, the female of the pair replied first, "Paperwork, the truest method to prevent a country from being conquered by an easily distracted Machiavellian mastermind!"

Iris giggled at that as she nodded quickly in turn, "Right? I mean really I could actually kick off World War III as easily as Tony here but why _would_ I? Really I'll just sit back, profit off the sheep, and get drunk in peace as they blindly buy my products."

Tony grinned at that, "A woman after my own heart, a pity she's such a prude." Iris locked gazes with her new friend as she displayed a Malfoy level sneer in return.

"Prude, you say?"

Tony nodded in turn, "Well every time I brought up becoming more...knowledgeable of each other's anatomy you rather quickly shoot me down. Sooo..."

Much to his surprise the British woman laughed out loud for a few moments before she finally replied.

"Tony, just because I refuse to be another notch on your headboard doesn't mean I haven't had my own sexual escapades. The fact of the matter is I am a self made billionaire, I simply refuse to be someones nightly conquest." At this her grin turned feral, " _I_ am the one who chooses her prey for the evening, not the other way around."

Rather then being intimidated by this statement he smirked at the woman as he nodded once, "All right, prove it."

Pepper scoffed, "Tony, really?"

He rolled his eyes at that, "Not physically Pep, I mean a tale of past debauchery, something that'll prove that she's just as much of a self indulgent party girl as I am a playboy."

Rather then being offended Iris grinned in return, "All right Tony, I approve and as a bonus I'll make it my most embarrassing one as well. I call this story 'The French Connection,' or 'How I Accidentally Had Lesbian Sex With My Terrifying Friends Little Sister'."

Both Tony and Pepper let out choking noises at this, Tony managed to recover rather quickly though as he coughed out, "What?"

Grinning Iris took a sip of her coffee before nodding slowly, "Ok I was...I think twenty two? Gabby was eighteen so whatever it was legal regardless. Anyway I let Ginny and her husband Dennis decide where we were having our yearly company get together. At this point Valkyrie Interests was profitable but not quite name brand worthy yet so we had a bit of leeway on what we could get away with."

She sighed at that as she rolled her eyes, "Both Creeveys are complete nerds, I blame Colin's influence. Anyway they decided to have our weekend away at a convention center that was hosting an Anime Convention."

"Oh no," Pepper muttered as Tony snickered to himself, Iris nodding knowingly at their understanding.

"Yeah pretty much. Anyway Ginny chose our costumes, a drunken decision that will never happen again by the way, and suddenly we were all Sailor Scouts... Before you ask, I was Sailor Mars and _yes_ the skirt was unbearably short."

She shuddered earning a snort from both Tony and Pepper. "Anyway I decided I needed a drink after having my legs stared at by forty year old virgins for hours and went back up to our suite, where I ran into my long time stalker Gabrielle Delacour who was dressed as Sailor Venus if you're curious."

A rather amused smile crossed her lips as she shook her head, "Gabby was...errr...how shall I put this...indulging in some liquid courage? I honestly had no room to judge so I just shrugged off her suckling on a bottle of whiskey as I hid in the loo and emptied half the minibar. After topping myself off I was about to leave the room when I was pushed against the wall by this...French sex Goddess who began kissing me passionately."

Iris smile turned rueful at that, "I hadn't been laid in nearly a year and I was drunk but I was also aware that this was Fleur's little sister. Fleur is a 'Catch your bed on fire while you're still asleep' terrifyingly protective woman, so even though I'm mildly bisexual and was in desperate need of release I _really_ didn't need the threat of immolation over my head.

"Regardless, Gabby had my shirt off in seconds, and was grinding herself along my leg as she was trying to unclasp my bra while I'm thinking 'What the hell is happening here? Oh my this feels rather nice.' A moment later my supposed salvation opens the door. Hermione Granger, my sister in all but blood walks into the room and looks up from her mobile to stare at me in shock for a moment. As I mouth 'Help Me' what does she do? What does the woman I would literally undergo torture for do? She lifts her mobile, takes a picture and mouths back, 'Have Fun' as she turns around and leaves the room. _Not_ before placing the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the handle mind you ."

Sighing she just shook her head as both Tony and Pepper broke out into laughter, eventually Pepper managed to gasp out, "What happened then?"

Sighing yet again Iris continued shaking her head slowly, "After sating that French...succubus...I took a shower and went back down to the convention hall to bleach my brain at the bar. The only open seat was next to Hermione because irony is a bitch, of course. So I sit down, ordered a beer, all while my best friend since the age of ten just ignores me the entire time.

"As I take a sip of my beer she finally speaks up, 'Did you at least wash your hands? Brush your teeth?'"

Iris scowled in good nature as her companions laughed, eventually she continued, "I of course spat my beer all over the poor bartender and began choking on my drink. Eventually I got control of myself and swore vengeance on my best friend, and that's my most embarrassing sex tale, now Tony, can you top that?"


	5. At the Same Time in New York

**So why hasn't this been updated? Simple, my laptop and backups died at Thor's whim, literally, lightning strike over powered the surge protector and *zap*, no more computer. I'm slowly rebuilding everything and I fully intend to get back to Tony and Iris but I wanted to toss this out to those clamoring for Hermione's introduction and her place in the story.**

 **If you're wondering how I view Blaise his stance and demeanor is somewhere between Spike Spiegel and James Bond (Brosnan more then anything), as always please review!**

* * *

A bored looking man in an expensive Italian suit strode through the main lobby of Valkyrie Interests with a lazy, yet oddly dignified gait. His highly polished black shoes clacked loudly on the equally polished marble floor and as he stopped before the receptionist he flashed her a winning smile. The stark white of his glinting teeth clashed beautifully with his deep mocha skin and it took all of the young woman's willpower to not melt into a puddle right there.

"I'm here to see Director Granger Miss Everett, I do believe I have an appointment?" As he said this he'd taken the now furiously blushing woman's hand kissing the knuckles gently as she hastily tapped the key unlocking the elevator.

"O-of course Agent Zabini, she's ready for you now," smirking he released her hand and winked once as he sauntered away and entered the lift, as the doors closed he finally let his aloof demeanor relax enough to laugh lightly.

"Ah Blaise, you've still got it..." Reaching the top floor of the high rise tower Blaise stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way to Director Granger's office, thinking about the witch who got away he could only shake his head ruefully at his past mistakes. They had a chance once, and he threw it away, she was married to the company now, and it would take someone far more...wholesome then himself to ever drag her away from it.

Reaching the ostentatiously carved oak door Blaise had to roll his eyes at the over indulgent splendor, why Granger let Malfoy decorate the offices was a point of contention between everyone in their group. Personally he leaned towards Daphne's thinking, Hermione knew it would annoy Iris, and so it was done.

Tapping the door once it swung open to reveal an austere office decorated with only a few photos and potted plants, before the floor to ceiling windows displaying the New York skyline sat a massive bankers desk with a professional looking woman sitting behind it.

Granger was, as always, beautiful in her own way. With her wavy hair pulled into a no nonsense bun and a pair of reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose she looked more like a naughty librarian then not. Sighing at wasted opportunities and the idiocy of youth Blaise didn't wait for his boss to acknowledge him before he sat in the visitors chair kicking his feet up on the Canadian rock maple desk.

Granger ignored him for roughly five minutes as she typed at her computer, when the small clock off to the right dinged that it was eleven o'clock she glanced up and met his gaze evenly.

"Agent Zabini, good of you to be so punctual, what do you have to report?"

Sighing he dropped his feet to the ground as he cocked his head to the side in annoyance, "Really 'Mione, you don't see me in two months and you act like I'm something you found in Parkinson's knicker drawer?"

She stared at him a few moments before smiling, standing she walked around the desk and Blaise met her half way to wrap her in a hug, "Ok ok, I missed you, how was your mission, didn't get into another fight with Director Fury did you?"

Releasing his friend Blaise smirked as he leaned against the desk, Hermione mirroring the action as he shook his head, "Off the record, I cannot believe Iris gave that man Moody's old Madeye, seriously the guy was creepy informed as it was, now? That aside we're making progress on finding the Valkyrie, the irony of its naming was something that the SHIELD agents brought up often. They found it quite amusing."

Hermione rolled her eyes at that while muttering, "Yanks..." Blaise nodded his agreement and eventually his boss continued, "I'm pleased you're making progress. Finding that debris was a windfall but Director Fury is right, having a Nazi super bomber loaded with tesseract fueled nuclear warheads is not something we want just floating around out there in the current political climate. Were there any...complications?"

Blaise actually scoffed at that as he rolled his golden brown eyes, "Yeah, when we fished that Parasit out of the drink an operative apparently in the guise of one of the crane operators started screaming 'Heil Hydra!' and attempted to set the bomb off with a pistol."

Hermione stared at him blankly as a single brow rose incredulously, he snickered slightly while shaking his head, "Yeah I know. Anyway Phil shot the fools kneecaps out and we dosed him up with truth serum, as expected he was fed amnesiatics by whoever sent him, didn't even know his own name. I put the poor bastard out of his misery and decided to report in, that and well...I really wanted food that didn't come out of a tin."

Hermione nodded slowly at that and with a flick of her hand Blaise shivered as magic pooled on the bare wall coalescing into a map of the north Atlantic, "You mentioned in your report that you've narrowed it down to Greenland, any chance we could use Luna to further refine it?"

Blaise shook his head in annoyance as took in the rather breathtaking work of magic before him, "No, every time she tries to scry its location she starts singing 'The Star Spangled Man' which confuses even her. Eventually she just shrugged it off and said 'He's Hermione's problem' and went back to her baking. I felt it best not to ask further questions."

Hermione for her part pinched the bridge of her nose and huffed out a sigh before throwing her hands to her sides, "Of course. All right I'll put you down for a week of R&R, might as well since Iris is already off the grid for the next few days."

Blaise paled a bit at that before carefully asking, "What do you mean off the grid?" He loved Iris, really he did, but she seriously needed adult supervision at like...all times.

Hermione shrugged as she sat back in her executive chair, "Luna scryed a rather dismal crash of one of our investments and insisted that Iris had to be the one to check it out herself. Since she can't really stomach international portkeys more then once every few days she took a holiday to recuperate. Why?

Blaise had a bad feeling about this, "What company 'Mione?"

Hmm'ing to herself she opened the e-mail in question before replying, "Stark Industries, she was to meet up with the CEO at a board meeting yesterday, why?"

Blaise did, _not_ whimper, thank you very much. "What do you know about Tony Stark Hermione?"

She looked up to meet her friends worried gaze in honest confusion, "Nothing but the bare facts really, I don't do the tabloid thing recall, Skeeter and all that."

Director Hermione Granger stared at her friend in confusion and worry as he broke down crying, well...that can't be good.

* * *

 **At least _someone_ understands how chaotic the future is going to soon be, poor Blaise. I know, I KNOW its short people, but I just wanted to prove that this wasn't abandoned while rebuild all my lost work. Hope you enjoyed, and please REVIEW!**


	6. Bikinis! Tony Like!

**Edit-Right, if you want to feel the proper tone for the flashback at the beginning then listen to LittleVmills cover of 'Red Like Roses'.**

 **Dark tones at the beginning followed by some silly hijinks. I really don't get why people vilify Pepper as a character in these stories, sure her actress is a bitch but don't take that out on the source material! Anyway finally over my writers block so updates will be more likely following this.**

* * *

 **June 24, 1995 Little Hangelton England, The United Kingdom**

All Iris could feel was pain, anguish, and rage.

Cedric was dead.

Her boyfriend was dead.

He was dead because she had wanted to share the glory of victory with him.

Her first love, her first lover, the man she'd given her virginity to was dead because she wanted to share a meaningless school award with him...pathetic.

As the Death Eater's went about kowtowing and kissing the hem of their newly reborn master's robes all Iris Dorea Potter-Dursley could feel was pain, anguish, and rage.

Fear...she didn't feel any of that, maybe she really was destined to be in Gryffindor despite how ardently that bloody hat argued for her to be placed in Slytherin. Because, simply put, she felt no fear, her pain and rage were percolating into something far far more poignant and poisonous than fear.

She was starting to feel hatred, which was something new for her.

Iris had never felt hate before, it wasn't something she grew up with, her parents and big brother were always there for her, and her magical powers could always be used to dissuade bully's so she'd never really suffered from their abuse.

Even with the idiocy of the average magical making things difficult her plucky attitude usually shifted any bad feelings away long enough to avoid any real lingering doubts about her.

Tonight though? Tonight she'd been injured, tortured, molested, and threatened with rape. Her clothes hung in tatters as she was held in the embrace of a stone Angel of Death above the grave of Voldemort's father.

She didn't feel fear.

She wasn't afraid of any more torture, she wasn't afraid of the threat of rape, she wasn't afraid of anything, because she had lost herself in the calming balm of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"Please my Lord, she's such a succulent little thing, let us have some fun with her, break her in a bit for ya!" Goyle senior if she caught his tones correctly, she'd blown out both his knees at the Quiditch World Cup riot, gotten off on a technicality, or rather bribery to the right people.

"Aye she's a pretty little tart, a bit scrawny but I'm sure her holes are tight enough," Sewlyn...Seawin? She really wasn't sure what his name was, he had no children at school with her so she'd never paid much attention to his family outside of investments she could profit from.

"I'm...I'm sure just killing her would be enough, she may be a half-blood but she is powerful, give her the dignity of a clean death I say, my Lord." That was Malfoy, Iris was actually surprised at his rather audacious words, trying to lessen her pain rather then stretching it out for the 'fun' of it all. Relaxing a bit she suppressed the urge to smirk, Lucius was a piece of work but they had made their peace at the end of her second year at Hogwarts.

A little mutual blackmail went a long way towards becoming friends after all.

Frankly if she made it out of this alive she'd send him a fruit basket for his words, they were far kinder then she thought she had deserved under the circumstances.

"Are you telling me, your master, what to do, Lucius?" The blonde man visibly swallowed as he took a knee and bowed his head in return.

"Not at all my Lord, she is simply a...worthy foe, no need to sully her with anything other then death...it is simply my opinion, my Lord..." Voldemort stared down at Lucius a few moments before nodding slowly while smiling lightly.

"You speak boldly Lucius...which is to be expected from my second. You are correct, as it stands, Iris Potter has been a worthy adversary through the years. Violent, powerful, and having all the subtlety of a rampaging dragon when her ire is stoked. As much as I am sure you...peons wish to indulge in the bounty of her flesh, she will only suffer a clean death, at my hand."

With that Voldemort swept his wand forward and the stone angel dropped the redheaded teenager to the ground, right next to Cedric's dead body. As the resurrected monster continued speaking Iris stared into her dead lover's glassy eyes and felt heat spread throughout her body.

Rage, anger, disgust, hatred, these emotions boiled beneath the surface and...there was something else...something dark...something...calming. Touching this new power in her mind she felt it mold against her and froze in shock as she heard a voice.

 **HELLO CHILD.**

The fuck...

 **I AM SOME...THING FAR GREATER THAN YOU ARE CAPABLE OF COMPREHENDING AT THE MOMENT. YOU ARE DESTINED TO BE MY...MINDER SHALL WE SAY?**

This made no sense, she was about to either be raped and murdered or just straight out murdered and now she was hearing voices in her head, yay for insanity.

 **YOU ARE FAR FROM INSANE CHILD, I WOULD NEVER CHOSE A MAD WOMAN TO BE MY MISTRESS.**

Mistress? Really? Like she'd ever deign to whore herself out to anyone even with the threat of death hanging over her head?

 **IT IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK, YOU ARE A MASTER, MY MASTER, MY MISTRESS. YOU HAVE BEEN DESTINED BY THE FATES AND GODS TO BE THE ONE, AND ONLY EVER MASTER OF DEATH. I AM AT YOUR BECK AND CALL MY MISTRESS, ALL YOU MUST DO IS GATHER MY HALLOWS, AND YOU ALREADY HAVE MY SHROUD.**

 **NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO LET THESE...THINGS...DO AS THEY WANT, OR WILL YOU SHOW THEM WHAT SHE WHO DOES NOT FEAR DEATH CAN DO?**

Grinning evilly Iris took to her feet and as she met Voldemort's crimson gaze he took a step back as he stared into the glowing violet embers that had overtaken her eyes.

"Hello boys...lets...play."

* * *

 **August 15, 2008 Malibu California, The United States of America**

Tony smirked as he tilted his head back then shrugged lightly, "I've got nothing."

To his amusement both Iris and Pepper raised their crimson brows as they drawled out, "Really?"

Christ they could be sisters as closely as their mannerisms and tones went.

That and they were both incredibly sexy redheads that Tony was so not fantasizing having a threesome with, no sir.

"I think he's fantasizing about a threesome involving us at the moment Pep," Iris stated flatly as Pepper took a drink of her espresso humming her agreement.

Placing the paper cup on the table Pepper shook her head slightly as she pointedly ignored her boss, "You get use to it really, he's such a..."

"Man?" Iris shot out helpfully, Pepper nodded in return earning the pair of redheads an eye-roll as Tony shoved the last of his breakfast down his throat. It was so damn hard to get a rise out of women who were used to his antics, it almost made the effort not worth it.

Almost, not quite.

"I don't feel shame, it's a foreign emotion to me so I can't have an embarrassing sex story because I _don't_ get embarrassed." Pepper grinned and blushed slightly highlighting her freckles, Iris was staring at her smirking slightly thinking how cute she looked as the P.A. verbally parried her boss.

"Oh really? Remember you and Rhodey at the bar in Vegas, the 'lady' who dragged you to her room and-"

Tony slammed his fork into the table staring at Pepper with haunted eyes, "I was drunk, that didn't happen."

Pepper and Iris broke out laughing as Tony decided to reclaim what dignity he had at the moment and took the dirty dishes into the kitchen loading them into the washer. No one...no one was to ever bring that 'incident' up again...good god the shear amount of vodka he and his hetero life-mate had to down to bleach their minds of that...ugh

As he slammed the washer's door shut he turned to see Iris staring at him with a wide grin on her face, he was at a loss for words at the moment and she took that time to peck him on the cheek.

"You're cute when you get flustered Stark," with that she spun around leaving a crimson cascade in her wake.

Tony stood there a few moments before smirking to himself, "She thinks I'm cute Jarvis." His A.I. companion took on an indulgent tone as he quickly agreed to his creators sentiments.

"So she says, sir." Tony hummed a moment before grinning and soon made his way to his favoritist redheads as they leaned together whispering their wily female words to each other. Noticing his entrance both Iris and Pepper turned to meet his gaze grinning widely, that can't be good.

"We're going to the beach," Pepper stated in a no nonsense tone.

Iris nodded slowly, "We are going to wear skimpy bikinis and apply suntan oil to each other while we girl talk."

Grinning Pepper pulled the tie from her hair letting her ginger curls flow, "And you have to look and not touch, you'll come along because no matter what, you wouldn't miss it for the world."

Tony stared at the grinning duo a moment before whimpering slightly,

"Yo-you...good God now there's two of you!" With that the pair giggled and walked away from the powerless billionaire who after a moment grinned as he stretched languidly.

"Jarvis?" He asked off handidly as he began to peel his shirt off, the A.I. responded almost immediately.

"Yes sir?" Still grinning Tony watched the redheads enter the room he kept extra female clothing in for 'special occasions' before responding.

"It's good to be the king."

Jarvis responded with a put upon tone, "As you say, sir."

Not having anything to add to that Tony went to his room quickly changing to a pair of swimming trunks, after that he walked back into his living room just in time to witness the two beauties entering his view and felt his throat catch at their exposed bodies.

The bikinis were not the style you'd expect to be kept in his household, I.E. floss and patches. Rather they were as conservative as the outfits could be but, well...when they exposed two women like this? It didn't really matter.

That and Iris was covered in tattoos.

Celtic knots weaved across her back and down her arms, wrapped around stunning portraits of people with dates below their names, it didn't take a genius to guess they were dedications to the dead. Rather then take from her beauty the tattoos just added to her already interesting personality, Tony was man enough to admit that even though he'd only known her a short time, he was becoming hooked to the British noble.

"You look lovely, the both of you," turning to him the two women stared at him a moment before smiling, it wasn't teasing smiles like before. They looked...well...honest.

"Thanks, Tony, come on what are you waiting for?" Iris asked, then her grin turned impish, "If you hurry up I'll let you apply the suntan oil, rather than Pepper."

Tony Stark had never run faster in his entire life, much to both his friend and P.A.'s amusement.

* * *

 **For the tattoos, they'll be explained later but please remember Iris is a rocker chick, body art fits her personality and explains away why she is always wearing long clothing when dealing with 'work'.**


	7. Do Not Tempt Those Who Do Not Fear Death

_**August 18, 2008 New York City, New York, The United Stated of America**_

Fred and George Weasley were, at the end of the day, fun loving free spirits who only wanted to get a laugh out of those they loved. They were also ruthless, cunning, often times _brutal_ tricksters that happily skipped the line between 'thorough' and 'vicious' when it came to protecting their family from outside threats.

And make no mistake about it, Iris Potter-Dursley, or the Lady Black as she tended to go by in muggle circles these days was most definitely their family. The youngest Seeker in a century was their redheaded little sister from another mother and they protected her with all the viciousness of an enraged dragon.

It didn't help that her one time love interest, best mate, and confidant begged them to keep an eye on her. Ron had screwed up soooo hard in those departments but he'd made up for it by making sure that no matter what, his 'Mad Witch of the West' was always cared for by her second family.

It was a duty that the twins and Ginny held close to their hearts.

It was on a Thursday that George realized that he and his siblings had let their charge slip their sight when he glanced at the morning tabloids, smirking slightly he yelled out over the din of heavy machinery and chanting.

"Oi! Fred, GinGin! Take a look at this!" The sounds died around him as his lab coat clad siblings, Ginny's berk husband, and the family's long time friend Lee rushed to his side to look at the paper in his hands. All present read the offered article a few moments before they grinned widely at each other, it would seem their little green eyed troublemaker had finally found someone worth being caught with.

"Dear brother," Fred began, "should we intervene?"

Before he could respond Ginny stomped on his foot glowering in annoyance, "You leave my besty out of this you prats! It's taken her Goddess be damned nearly fifteen years to get over Cedric's murder, you leave her be!" Her husband agreed in quiet understanding, Denis looking more contemplative than normal as Lee pipped in his own thoughts.

"She's right, while I want to...make sure Stark realizes our sister is not a nightly conquest I know Red's not nearly stupid enough to fall for his charms, if she's letting him, and the tabloids at that, notice her it means she's interested. She isn't a kid anymore, not that scrawny little seeker who wowed us all with her prowess. She's a warrior tried and true, we should give her the respect she deserves and just keep an eye out for her.

There was murmur of agreements and the tabloid was tossed on the desktop as the group broke up, Fred and George exchanged a brief look though and nodded to each other. The Weasley family looked after their own, and while little Iris shared only a bit of blood with them they would _always_ look at her as their little sister.

If this Tony Stark actually made a go at winning her heart, well...he would have to get past them to gain her full approval first.

The Girl-Who-Lived had suffered enough, and they would not let some self centered berk add more heartache to her existence.

 _ **June 3, 1998 Hogwarts Scotland, United Kingdom**_

Iris was surrounded by the dead, and they were all staring at her with expectant eyes.

Their bodies did not share their interest though.

No, they were broken, shattered, covered in ash and blood, chummed into viscera under the feet of giants, immolated under curse fire, or perforated by the muggle machine guns stolen from the Queen by her desperate people.

The dead were staring at her and she didn't know what to do about it.

"I..." Iris began in a stilted tone, lost for words, as she was about to fall to the ground Ron rushed to her side, the tired young man catching her in his arms, eyes wild in worry.

"Are you...'Ris you ok?" She ignored him as the wand she'd claimed from Voldemort twitched in her hand and after a moment she leaned into her one time friend hypocritically happy to be able to breath in his scent this final time. He had betrayed her, had left her and Hermione to their own devices for months, but Goddess damn it all was she glad he was here at this moment.

"Yeah...I'm...fine Ronny...fine...just need to tell them all...to move on," as one, the multitude of spirits nodded to her as they vanished towards the skies leaving their destroyed mortal cages behind as Hermione rushed forward wrapping the duo in a hug. A moment later, Dudley, still swathed in shattered plate mail and Kevlar threw his massive arms around the trio in an all consuming hug, all four of them breaking into tears.

It was finally over, the Death Eaters, every one of them outside of Snape and the Malfoys were dead, it was over, the war was over, they were free.

Iris had no idea what to feel, and in moments fell into the sweet silence of unconsciousness in the arms of her brother's and sister.

 _ **August 19 2008, Malibu California**_

"I don't want you to go to the sandbox," Iris began irritably as Tony painted her toe nails, the billionaire glanced up from his work as his friend continued to read her tabloid magazine.

"Oh yeah?" He asked in a questioning tone as she nodded slightly, he really didn't know what to make of the younger woman's expression but the near pout looked adorable on her and he had no desire for it to go way.

"Yeah, it's dangerous and I can't follow you to make sure you're safe, you're...you've become important to me Stark, I don't want to see you hurt over there." Tony smirked slightly at that as he placed the green polish aside and jumped to his friends side grinning at her as she twitched her eyes towards him.

It was the way her eyes took him in that carried his interest, her emerald orbs would fall on him and appraised his presence in a second, then, as if to hide some unnatural glow they twitched to the sky and she'd give him that wonderful, relaxed smirk of hers.

"I'm a weapons designer, my life is a world of danger," he replied. Despite their near naked bodies on the beach, and her still freshly painted nails Iris threw her arm across his chest and sidled close to him as his breath froze at the intimate gesture.

"You might be in danger at all times but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it," Tony sat there a few moments before nodding slowly to himself shifting his gaze to hers.

"You're worried about me, why?" Iris turned her eyes away from him and stared at the horizon a few moments before slowly nodding dropping her chin to his chest as a grin overtook her lightly freckled visage.

"If I said I thought I were to, possibly, on a very low, nearly platonic level, be falling in love with you, would that be a bad thing?"

Tony paused at this statement but after a few moments contemplation, relaxed remembering that Iris _literally_ didn't need him, she was wealthy, influential, and independent. If she'd begun falling for him...

"Yeah," he began earning him a bit tenseness from the Brit in turn, "It'd be bad because I think I'm falling in love with _you_ , and that is rather...terrifying..." Iris sighed in relief as she sidled up even closer to his side, spooning him with her sun kissed curves.

"Thank the Morrigan, I was scared there a moment, I really wasn't sure what I'd do if you didn't feel the same, new territory for me and all."

Not even thinking about it Tony leaned his head down and kissed her brow, "Glad to serve Your highnessness," rather then earning her ire she giggled as she swatted his chest.

"You're a prat Solo, you know that?"

Tony chuckled at the thinly veiled comparison and after a few moments replied, "Did it ever annoy you that they used parsecs as a measurement of time rather than distance? It always irrationally pissed me off. Maddening really," Iris was quiet for a few moments before giggling.

"We're nerds, nerds that rule the world, haha jocks, we won!"

Tony chuckled along with her, "Had a problem with them in school?" Smirking she leaned forward and kissed his chin causing him to freeze up as she dropped her head back to his chest.

"Nope, I was the one who caught the blokes on fire if they got too touchy..."

 _ **August 23, 2008 Los Angeles Air Port**_

Iris stared up at her friend and smiled at him slightly as he shifted uncomfortably under the smug gaze of his best friend at the top of the stairs. Rhodey was loving this, and he would be no help in the slightest, the bastard.

"I...I'm going to miss you Tony," Iris admitted as she blushed slightly, Tony smiled, not a smirk, _smiled_ at this as he nodded in turn.

"I'll be back in a week Red, count on that, we have our lovely little inventions to work on after all," she returned his smile as she shook her head sending her crimson tresses flying.

"We still haven't figured out how to fully utilize a proper power source but...yeah, I look forward to it Tony."

He continued to smirk a few moments before she decided to hell with it, walking up the steps Iris grabbed his tie and pulled it down to force a kiss on him. He returned the gesture as he snatching her up by her hips and then wrapping his arms around her waist as they thoroughly snogged each other.

After a time Tony dropped her back to the stairs and they gasped for breath as she threw him an amused smirk, "I don't share Tony, if you can keep it to yourself...when you get back I'll say yes if you ask me out on a date."

The genius...oh fuck it, hunk, before her grinned in turn before kissing her once again, breaking the lip lock he threw her another grin nodding once, "Agreed. When I get back, you me, dinner, all right?"

Smirking she stood on her tip toes kissing him once again, "Agreed, and be careful you silly sod those religous idiots hate you on principal don't forget!" With that she walked away from Tony's plane as Pepper met her and locked arms with the still grinning woman.

Pepper wasn't the nosy sort but she liked to think she'd earned Iris's trust at this point so she took the risk, "How did it go?"

Iris blushed deeply but her muttered reply was clearly understandable, "The prat agreed..." Pepper had to use every ounce of her willpower not to squee in delight.

 _ **August 26 2008, New York City, New York**_

Iris awoke without a headache, she hadn't had a drink in a few days and frankly felt amazing for it, really if the nightmares stayed away she'd be set. It wasn't like she enjoyed shitting her guts out every morning, or the headaches, or the knowing looks of the little bitches at the liquor store...

Right, cracking her back she yelled out loudly to her roommates as she glanced at the alarm, they should easily be awake right now.

"Dora, Andie, Teddy! Up up up! Breakfast is on me this morning! There shall be bacon...much bacon!" Still smiling she entered the living room and froze as her sort of grandmother/cousin stared at the television, after a moment Andromeda turned to her with slightly teary eyes.

"I'm so sorry dearest," Iris lost her ability to speak as she read the headline and felt something...dark...something she hadn't touched in years build up in the back of her mind.

She read the headline and slowly absorbed it, and Death was not amused.

Tony Stark's convoy attacked, thought dead by experts.

 **HE IS NOT DEAD, MY MISTRESS.**

Good...but there were several people who were about to be, and they were soon going to find out why snatching the Mistress of Death's love interest was a very... _very_ bad idea.


	8. Anger Issues

**I'm suffering from a bought of nasty insomnia so I'm just posting this ramble because it...exists...Review if you want? Really I'm sorry this isn't a real update I just couldn't sleep, I woke up an hour ago and I NEED to go back to sleep or tomorrow will result in dead idiots... Fucking hell...I hope it's enjoyable enough, once again, I _know_ it's short, but that is the end result of lack of sleep.**

* * *

Much to her annoyance the Witch-Who-Won froze up a moment as the clock radio in the corrner began spewing forth it's most recent assault on her auditory receptors. The Eurthemics, seriously she was so high strung at the moment that being assaulted by eighties music was irrationally irritating her...

 _'Sweet dreams are made of these,'_

The Countess Black, one Iris Potter glared at the monitors before her and gritted her teeth in rage. She'd been side-lined despite her connections for over a week, and she was beginning to lose her calm under the tender ministrations of an eighties pop band...

 _'Who am I to disagree?'_

She had slaughtered hundreds without batting an eyelash, yet these bloody bureaucrats where working against Iris in her efforts to find her friend simply to flaunt about their power. Really?

 _'I traveled the world and the seven seas,'_

Iris had seen it all, besides her best friends and brother she would never bow to those that tried to use their power against her. She was _THE LADY BLACK_ and would not be dissuaded in her efforts...despite how stymied they were at the moment.

 _'Everbody is looking for something,'_

She found it odd though that Tony's own company stopped paying for the search, as if he hadn't been worth the effort. It was bullshit but...it was interesting in on itself considering Pepper had just had a nervous breakdown over it all and Obadiah was screening his calls... Why was Stark Industries not looking for Tony as thoroughly as it could?

 _'Some of them want to use you,'_

Everyone wanted a piece of her once her friendship with Tony had been outed by the tabloids, it was disgusting and annoying while being all too familiar. Her opinion on the media though? Well they could piss off, after Skeeter her "Murder First, Ask Question's Never" policy had kept most of them at bay. Iris was a subtle and kind being for sure, but she didn't let vipers lay in wait when it didn't serve her purposes.

 _'Some of them want to be used by you,'_

So..so many people looked at her as a savior and it grated on her to an extent that it added to her already rather prodigious psychological problems. She was not an angel, far from it actually, yet most people from her homeland still hadn't realized that despite her self imposed exile, and it seemed to be spreading here now as well...ugh...

What it all boiled down to was that she was irrationally furious...she was lost to her rage, and it was affecting her reasoning. She was aware that her emotions were fluctuating like crazy and that is _exactly_ why she chose to keep her connection to Death limited, too much power was not a good thing to be in the hands of an alcoholic pragmatist.

With that in mind she simply focused on suppressing her negative emotions as she walked through the SHIELD fortifications, the men and women manning the check-point positions simply saluting her in silence rather then risk the obviously furious woman's ire.

She was Iris Dorea Potter-Dursley, the Countess Black, the Mistress of Death, and she _was_ ready to burn this entire pathetic little rock to the ground in her anger. So she really, _really_ needed to calm the hell down, and get answers from someone she should have contacted to begin with.

Her closest friend, outside of her sister Hermione, turned towards the door and took her figure in before grunting in acknowledgment. Prowling into the room Iris fell into the offered chair and glared at her companion a few moments before sighing and taking the offered cup of tea he had left her.

After a moment of...relaxing...as horrid as the thought had felt at the moment, she turned back to her companion who was staring at her with his singular eye. She was really glad he covered the _MadEye_ with a patch, it was way less creepy then Moody's method...

"Please...don't start World War Three over all this Countess..." Oh shite Fury was using her SHIELD title?

"What happened?" She replied in earnest, knowing full well this couldn't end in her benefit.

Sighing Fury turned to the monitor behind him shaking his head silently.

"It's a lose, Afghanistan that is, you knew that, I knew that, yet they invaded anyway, running into the same damn problems the Soviets did back in the 80's. Too much rough terrain, not enough resources to observe it all...and caves _everywhere_ stymieing traditional search methods."

Iris scowled as she leaned into her chair, "America, fuck yeah. Rush in dick first without thinking it through, that is the philosophy you blokes follow correct?"

Fury let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head slowly, "Iris, please don't be an...annoyance about this? You know for a fact _I_ don't operate like that," she stared at him a moment and nodded allowing him to continue. "The remnants of several Achaemenid Imperium and Persian Empire era blood magiks have made locating Stark via magical means next to impossible. He _is_ a National Resource despite his disposition and it would be a great lost to NATO if he was to die so we are using all our resources to try and find him, but still."

Fury rubbed the bridge of his nose lightly as he nodded to himself before turning back to the anthropomorphic personification of Death standing before him.

"We... as in all of SHIELD, feel he needs to move through this process on his own... To be frank...he needs to grow the fuck up while at the same time being too valuable to simply let them kill him in cold blood. Though after...deciphering what she had to say, Luna suggested he'll be fine on his own, in her...unique way that is."

After a time Iris sighed and nodded, "Very well...If Moonbeam says that he'll be fine ...I'll...try to keep my calm..." Rubbing her temples she sat silently for a moment before meeting his eye again, "Have any Jameson back there?" Fury smirked as he pulled a half empty bottle from under his desk and slammed it before her.

"Agent Coulson has forced me to learn to play a game called 'Cards Against Humanity,' wanna play? I don't have any planned meetings for about an hour so for once I have the free time." Iris grinned in turn, there _was_ a reason she had none magical friends, despite how silly her empowered friends found the concept.

"I'm in, by the by if Tony dies, so do all of you...just making my point clear because really...threats are for sissies, promises though?" Nick glanced at her a moment then shrugged in turn.

"Not worried, those threats aren't new. Now, what should I add to 'Big Black Dick'?"

Iris glanced up from her own cards and snorted in amusement, "Overcompensating Mother Fucker would be my guess...now how to play 'Andre the Giant..."

* * *

 **I just want to play up the terror here, Nick Fury, and Iris Potter, as agreeable best friends... your nightmares are welcome**


	9. Back From the Dead

**I really hated Iron Man 3, I got no enjoyment out of it, and thus I really felt no need to continue this story. Though...It has been almost a year since I updated, and I did have fun with it, so...why don't you all give me FUN bits of the MCU we could play with to make this enjoyable?**

 **I'm being seriously Sirius, if you have an idea to make this not become discontinued, let it be known.**

 **As always, please review, and take care all.**

* * *

While Iris had promised Nick that she wouldn't involve herself in locating Tony, she had by no means promised to stay out of the investigation as to how he had been captured to begin with. If she hadn't known her buddy Fury the way she did, Iris would have assumed this was an exploitable oversight that worked in her favor and simply moved on.

Unfortunately, she wasn't an idiot, and she knew this was all set up on purpose for her to work around such things as "Accountability," and "Probable Cause."

What she found was...depressingly predictable, as in she couldn't believe anyone else hadn't caught on to the money trail and who benefited the most if Tony up and died at random in the middle of nowher.

Obadiah Stane, you mother fucker.

Staring down at the money transfers, travel plans, and other organized madness Iris couldn't contain her anger for much longer, she had figured it out. Obadiah, who had practically been Tony's Sirius, had arranged his murder and she couldn't be wrong on this one despite the fact she had been sober for damn near three months straight.

Who benefited the most if Tony died? Who had access to his itinerary and travel plans? Who would be on the top of the pile after all the legal battles to gain custody of the now defunct Stark estate went through the courts?

Glaring at her monitor Iris was ready to ignite her flat in her seething rage when her mobile rang, taking in a deep breath she eventually managed to calm down enough to pluck up the phone and answer it.

"Potter, talk to me."

Instead of the insipid simpering of her companies interns, or the self entitled prattling of those wishing to sign a contract with her organization, she heard a bone weary voice of someone who had become something akin to a sister to her in a very short time.

"They found him, they're flying him home now, he'll be here in thirteen hours. He's alive Iris, he's alive."

Iris couldn't help it, she sobbed out into her open hand before laughing lightly, "Of course he is, Tony is too stubborn to go down so easily, isn't he?"

Pepper Pots laughed in turn, ignoring her friend's tears as she had ignored hers, "Yeah, he's a bit of a self centered prick like that... You coming out?"

Scooping up all the files she had gathered Iris nodded quickly, "I'll be in LA in less than five hours, after that, you just make sure the berk waits for me."

* * *

Tony Stark was bone weary and just...exhausted with the world. He had beaten his father, finally, yes, by building a reasonably sized Arc Reactor out of what could at best be called scraps, but it had cost him. Yinsen had joined his family in the afterlife, and Tony had left nothing but death behind him as he had escaped the Ten Rings encampment.

Ironic, in a way really. He had always been a merchant of death, and now he was a deliverer of it, even if the method of said delivery was crude to the point of hilarity.

What would Iris think when she found out he had escaped by building himself a freaking mecha suit out of baubles and scrap metal?

...Well...she would either fall over laughing at him, or pin him to the wall as she undid his belt.

What did it say about his current mindset that he was honestly welcome to either reaction?

Oh right, deep psychological trauma coupled with possible Stockholm Syndrome (so not a real problem, he hated his captures, freaking shrinks) affecting all his views.

Sighing he shook his head slowly and tuned into Rhodey as the man continued talking on as if he hadn't noticed his best friend had quit paying attention awhile ago.

"-so she just stares at him a few seconds and...What's up?"

Turning to meet his friends gaze Tony quickly shook his head while glancing out the window of their cargo plane, "Just wondering what's changed since I was gone..."

Rhodey smirked at that while shrugging lightly, "Less then you hoped, more than you expected, I think."

Looking at his friend in honest confusion Tony shook his head slowly as the plane came to a gliding stop. What followed was your typical airline BS and a half hour after the damn plane had been docked at the terminal he was allowed to disembark, finally.

As he strolled down the stairs he observed the gathered crowd and took them in with an honest eye. Happy, his ever faithful driver nodding once in acknowledgment, Pepper, wiping a tear away as she gave him a watery smile, and...Iris, tears running down her cheeks as she approached him quickly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

She sobbed into his shoulder once before tightening her grip to the point he felt that he was nearly choked.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, you prat."

He snorted and wrapped his good arm around her waist pulling her closer as he buried his nose into the top of her head, all while breathing in the scent of her hair.

"I'd never dream of it, Countess..."

"I told you to just call me Iris..."

Tony snorted his amusement as he muttered, "I know..."


End file.
